The adventures of Flatfish, episode 2, part 1/2.
.----------------------------------------.
| Hello everyone! It's me again, flatfish, |
.======. | and today I'm going to be installing |
}\: : ---| Red hat. |
} - - - -8| '----------------------------------------'
}/: :
'======'
.----------------------------------.
| Hmmm, I've inserted the CD, let's |
| see what it says... |
'----------------------------------'
__/ _________________________________
| _____________________________ |
| |Redhat installation: | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | Press to install. | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| |_____________________________| |
| ooooo (=) |
|_________________________________|
/_________________________\
.-----------------------. .======.
| Oh GOD. I never knew | : :/{
| it would be so cryptic. |______ |8- - - - {
| Where are the icons | : :\{
| and pictures? What an | '======'
| abortion Linux is! |
'-----------------------'
.---------------------------.
| There's only one solution |
.======. | to this. I'll have to visit |
}\: : | my old friend Terry Porter. |
} - - - -8| ____| I bet he can sort this mess |
}/: : | out! |
'======' '---------------------------'
So, the next day:
.------------------------------------.
| Ah, here I am at last, at |
| the airport. Unfortuanetly, I've |
| spent so much money on Linux distros |
| to install, I've no money left for |
| a ticket. I'll have to smuggle |
| myself on-board in true Flatfish |
| fashion. |
'------------------------------------'
____________ |
|Kiev Airport| |
_|____________| |
|[] [] [] [] [] | __
|[] [] _ [] [] | _/OO\
|______| |______| O---O
Eventually:
|\______________
\_____.-.______)
} {} {} {} {/ /
/_.'
__________________________
.--------------------------.
| Bwahaha! I've cunningly |
_____________ | hidden myself in this copy |
/___________ /| | of Linux. It's such a pile |
| .---. | | /| of shit, no-one will ever |
| ..'.. '.. | | / | look inside! |
|'-...___..' | | / '--------------------------'
| _: . :...| | /
|' ' .'' | |
| | |
______| | |_____
| RedHat 6.2 | |
|____________|/
But soon:
.---------------------------------.
| Oh, I don't feel so well out of |
| the water... If I don't find |
_________________/| ___| some stagnant water to flouder in |
/ /||__ / | soon I might die... |
/________________/_ _ _''8 '---------------------------------'
| Redhat 6.2 /|_____..'
|_______________| |/
|/
.-+-------+-.
| | | |
| |_______| | .--------------------------------.
:-----------: | Hmmm... Although not water, this |
| | | seat is so sweaty and stale, I |
| | | feel quite at home here. Whoever |
_| |_ | was sitting here last must have |
/ | | \ | a great big fat arse! |
/ /| |\ \ '--------------------------------'
/_/ / \ \_\ |
/_/ /| |\ \_\ |
|__|/ |___________| \|__| |
/ _______ \ /
/ }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/
/ }'.._______..' \
(___________________)
| |
|___________________|
.--------------------------.
.-+-------+-. | Oh no, someone's coming |
| | | | | back, I think it's.. |
| |_______| | | ..the big fat yank... |
:-----------: | ...Aaron Kulkis! | .~~~~~.
| | '-------------------------' / _____ \
| | | ( / )
_| |_ | _____ | /_ |
/ | | \ | / ( )---( )
/ /| |\ \ | / _______\_____/______
/_/ / \ \_\ | / .' | | | | '.
/_/ /| |\ \_\ | / / | | | | \
|__|/ |___________| \|__| / / | | |_______| | |
/ _______ \ / / | \/ \/ |
/ }''_ _ _ _''8 \ ___/ / | / \ |
/ }'.._______..' \ / | / \ |
(___________________) .-------+----. | : : |
| | | Oooh, my \ \ : :_|
|___________________| | ass sure does \ \: : \
| sting after \ : :__/
| | havin' that \ : :
| | great big shite. : \_________________/
| | Maybe I should |
\ | have a sit down. |
\ '----------------'
\
.-----------.
| No, don't! |
| Please! |
'-----------'
.~~~~~.
/_ _\
( \ )
.--| _\ |--.
| ( )---( ) |
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ |
( / \ )
/ : : \
/ : : \
___ : : ___\
\: :/ \
___//: :\\____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~~~. .----------------------------------.
/ \ | Ah, that's better. Hmmm... maybe |
( \ ) _| I shudda wiped my ass after being |
.--| _\ |--. ____/ | on the john for so long. |
| ( )---( ) | '----------------------------------'
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ | .------------------------------.
( / \ ) | Oh god, the smell! Please, get |
/ : : \ | up!!! Your arse is killing me! |
/ : : \ '------------------------------'
___ : : ___\ /
\: :/ \ /
___//: :\\____/ ____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~~~. .---------------------------------.
/_______\ | What the blazes is that? My |
( \ ) _| ass appears to be talkin' to me. |
.--| _\ |--. ______/ | I'd better get up and have a see. |
| ( )---( ) | '---------------------------------'
__|___\_____/___|__
.' | | | | '.
/ | | | | \
| | |_______| | |
| \/ \/ |
| / \ |
( / \ )
/ : : \
/ : : \
___ : : ___\
\: :/ \
___//: :\\____/
__|/: :\|___|
| . . |
| '.........' |
| | | |
.~~~. .----------------------------------.
// p ) _______| What in tarnation? There appears |
___|-( |___ | to be a dead fish stuck to my |
// /|\__/|| \\ | big, fat, American ass! This would |
_ __// /_|____||__\\ | never happen in the states! |
(_|____/ || '----------------------------------'
| ||
| ___ |)
| / 8 \ |
| { | } |
\ { | } /
\ \_|_/ /
| |/_\| |
_| | _| |
( |__| ( |__|
\___| \___|
Later:
.======.
: \/{
8- - - - {
Captain's voice : /\{
.------------------------. '======'
| We will soon be landing | |
| in Moscow.... | |
'------------------------' |
/ .-------------------------.
___/ | What the fuck? I thought |
| this plane was going to |
| Australia? |
'-------------------------'
.~~~~~.
/ _____ \
( \ ) .----------------------------.
.--| _\ |--. ______| Nope, this plane's goin' to |
| ( )---( ) | | Russia, so I can buy myself |
__|___\_____/___|__ | a new wife. |
.' | | | | '. '----------------------------'
/ | | | | \
| |_______| | |
.------------------------------------.
.======. | Hmmm...this calls for evasive action.|
}\/ : ___| I'll have to.....hijack the plane! |
} - - - -8 '------------------------------------'
}/\ :
'======'
.--------------------------------.
| Hey Kulkis, do you have any guns |
.~~~~~. | on you? |
/ \ '------------------------------.-' .=====-.
( \ ) .-----------------------------. \ : \/{
| _\ | | Why of course. I always carry | \__ 8- - - - {
( )---( ) ______| a full arsenal of weapons. It | : /\{
____\_____/_____ | would be unconstitutional and | '======'
| | | | '. | un-American not to. |
| | | | \ '-----------------------------'
| |______| | |
.---------------.
| Here you go... |
'---------------' .----------.
| | Thank you! |
| '----------'
.~~~~~. \
/ \ \
( \ ) \
| _\ | .________ .======.
( )---( ) [ ____.-' : \/{
_____\_____/_____ / | ['] 8- - - - {
| | | | '. /\ |_| : /\{
| | | | \ / \/ '======'
__| |_______| |_ \/ /
|\ /
| \ /
| \__/
And so:
.------------------------------.
| This is a hijacking! Turn this |
______| plane around and head for |
_ / | Australia! |
|#\ / '.-----------------------------'
|##\____________________
}}}} ....................`'.
\________/ )_______--'
/ .'
}}}}}}}}}}/___ .'
/___.'
Inside the plane:
.----------------.
~_~_~ | Oh no, we're all | .------------------------------.
~/O O\~ ___| going to die! | | This would never have happened |
() ) () '----------------' | if we were all allowed to have |
// \ <>/ \\ | guns on board! This is all a |
//___\_/___\\ | communist plot etc... |
\__ ___/ '------------------------------'
| | /
| | .~~~~~. /
|____| /_______\ /
| __ | ( \ ) /
|| || | _\ |
|| || ( )---( )
_|| ||_ __\_____/__
(__| |__)
Eventually:
.--------------------.
| Here we are at last! |
'-.------------------'
/
_________ .. :
)_______) ._.' : ::
/ .' '.:'.
...--' '.
.' :
: :
'. :
', .'
: .... :
'._.'' '.'. .' :
'...'.' :'.
. . .'.'
:': ..'''
' .'.'
.'..'
''
At the airport:
.---------------------------------. _____
| Oh bugger, how will I escape now? | / . |
'--.------------------------------' / .. '.|
| / ''\ :|
_________________________________________/ /'..\' |
.' Air Ukraine .-------.
(oo oo(o)oooooooooooooo(o)oooooooooooo(o)oo ( (
'._______________( \_________________--'
|| '. \
|| /*\.. '.
OOOO |**| '''...___ '.
\/_____/ ||'.... '.
________ OOOO '''''
| POLICE \ .-------------.
| \ ---| Come out with |
'o'----'o'' | your fins up! |
'-------------'
.----------------------------.
| Ahah, I have an idea, I will | .======.
| conceal myself in someone's | : \/{
| pants, then slip out once |____ 8- - - - {
| they've left the plane... | : /\{
'----------------------------' '======'
.-----------------------. ###
| This woman's pants look | #####
| quite comfortable. | #'\'#
'-------------------.---' # - #
\ #| #
\ || ) )
.===. || ||
} - - : ()__|)
'===' /| |_\___
(_| || |
| | || |
|_|_||_____|
|__\\
And so:
|
\ __/
____/____\___
/ . . \ .---------------.
/ '. '.\ | In we slide... |
/ / . .\ '---------------'
/ /| : : \ /
/ / | _ _._ .\ | /
| / | \ / '''| | | /
| | | / a \ _______/
| | | { a } | | |
|_| | { a } | |_|
(___) |__{__a__}___|(___)
| | .'============|_____\__________
| |: | |
| |: | |
|__|' | |
/ \'. | | |
| || | | |
| || | |________________|
\____/ | | |
.-------------------------.
### | Oh dear, I seem to have a |
##### | rather damp patch around |
#.\.# ______| my twat. I wonder what |
# - # | could be causing that. |
#| # '-------------------------'
|| ) )
|| ||
()__|)
_|##|_\___
| | || |
| | || |
|_|_||_____|
|__\\
####
### /_ __\ .----------------------------.
##### |'/ '| ___| Hey, is that a dead flatfish |
#.\.# '.--'' | down your pants or are you |
# - # / \ | just pleased to see me? |
#| # || || '----------------------------'
|| ) ) || ||
|| || ||___||
()__|) (| ()
_|##|_\___ || |
| | || | || |
| | || | || |
|_|_||_____| ||__|
|__\\ ((____|
\
.----------------------.
| I'm afraid it's a dead |
| flatfish. |
'----------------------'
Anyway:
.----------------------------.
| Ha! I have managed to escape |
.======. | alive, and now I can get on |
}\/ : ___| with my quest to install |
} - - - -8 | Red Hat. |
}/\ : '----------------------------'
'======'
Several hours later:
.---------------------.
| Ahah, this knackered |
| old shack must be |
___ ____ __ | Terry Porter's house. |
/ /\| / |/ /\__/\ '---------------------'
/ / / / / / \ |
'_._.___.____.___.__' |
||||||| | |#||{* }| |
..-.--|||#|| o||||{_*}|-.--.---.|----..--..---..--
. |||||| | |||#||||| . . | . . .
|#|||#|_|_|#|||||#| . | . .
. \ \ . . . .| . . .
. . \ \__________________________________
\__________________8======{__________
. . . . . . . . . .
\
\
__.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\
||||||||| ||||||||{\ }||||
||##||||| | ||||||||{ \ /}||||
||##||||| | | ||||||||{ /\/ }||||
||##||||| | ||||||||{/ \ }||||
|||#||||| | | ||||||||{______}||||
|||#||||| | | o ||||||||||||||||||||
||||||||| | ||||||||||||||||||||
||||||||| | ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| | _._ ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| | / 8 \ ||||||||||||||||||||
|||||##|| | { a } |||||||||||||||||||| .
|||||||||____{ a }_||||||||||||||||||||
.\ \ a \_\ . .
. \ '..___{\ *knock*. .
. \ \ *knock*
. .\ \ *knock* . .
\ \
. .\ \_________________
. \
. \
. \
. . \_________________________
Inside:
.--------.
______|________|______ .---------------------.
(______________________) | Aww strewth! Who the |
| | (< O>/ \< O>) | | | fuck could that be? |
D D | (___) | D D _________| SHEILA! GO AND SEE |
___________|'.'.'.'.'|______________ | WHO'S AT THE FUCKING |
.' |'.=====.'| '. | DOOR! |
| '..'.'.'..' | '---------------------'
| ________/'-----'\________ |
| /| | | |\ |
'._/ | | .----. | | \____.'
.' / | | |~~~~| | | \ '.
| / | '. |XXXX|_.' \ \ |
|/ /| '._____.------ \____\ \ |
/ / | :--- : |
/ / | :--- _________.' |
: : | '-----'' | |
: '. | |XXXX| | |
'. '.| '----' | |
|'. '. | |
|__'. '. | ______|
.' '.___'.__________________|.' ___ '.
.' / *scratch* \ \++\ '.
.' / \ \++\ '.
' / *scratch* \ \++\ '.
/ _____ \ '.
..... / / \ \ ............:.
'/ / \ \.' '.
/ / \ \ :
:
.----------------.
____| FUCK OFF! GO AND |
| ANSWER IT YOUR- |
| FUCKING-SELF! |
'----------------'
___
__|___|__
.-------------------. ____|.\.|____
| Jesus Christ bitch! |__ (____|.-.|____)
| I'm trying to watch | |/_||`---'||\ |
| the Aussie Rules, | // ||__|X|||\\|
| you go and fucking | // | :''---':
| open the door. | \\ | |..----'
'-------------------' ()_|___|_|_|__|
/ // ___ \\ \
/__// / \ \\__\
|__|| |_____| ||__|
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
|__|_|_____|_|__|
/__| |__\
_ ## .--------.
## ### ##### _____|________|______
###### ### (_____________________)
#### : | | (/ \) | |
## _______: D D | (___) | D D
:: o\/o : |'.'.'.'.'|
'. (_) : |'.=====.'|
_|.' _.'.'.'.: '..'.'.'..'
/ |.'| \_.'.'.|__ ___ ____/'-----'\________
__.' |.'|/.'.'.'.| /| | | |\
\ :.'.'.'.'.'.| / | | | | \
| \'.'.._.'.': / | | | | \
| '...'.'..' |
| '..' |
| \ |
| \ |
/ .------------. |
/ | What did you | .---------------------------------.
/ | fucking call | | I called you a fucking bitch. |
/ | me? | | Now go and open the fucking door. |
'------------' '---------------------------------'
| |
| |
.------------------. |
| Why don't you get | |
| off your fat arse | .--------------------------------.
| and open it? You | | Absolute bollocks. I got up |
| haven't been off | | last Tuesday to turn the telly |
| that fucking chair | | over. Now answer the fucking |
| in three weeks. | | door you fucking whore. |
'------------------' '--------------------------------'
.--------------------.
| Right, that's it, | .--------------.
| I'm going to fucking | | Awww...bugger. |
| kill yer! | '--------------'
'--------------------' /
| /
| ___ /
## ## | | |
####### | =============
## __| | | |(o>|o>)| |
( o> / D D| ( |D D
|.'.--| |===.'|
/\.'.'| __\.'./__
| __ \ /|| ||\ \ .-------------.
| | \ \ /_||_____||_\ \ | Alright then, |
| | \ |__ __ // | | \\ \| I'll open the |
| \ \|__'__} :: | _| // | friggin' door |
| \ ' ' } || |_____|X|// '-------------'
| \_____.__} || | |()/
| | () | . |_|
|_______| | .' '. |
| ) ) | | | |
| | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
|---|-| | | | |
| |_|__ __|_| __| |
|______)_) (____|(____|
And so:
.------.
| Hello? |
'------'
| \
/ \
__.''._______.'._____.'.__.''._____.'.__\
||||||||| |#| =='|##||||||||{\ }||||
||##||||| ||#_\.'/_##||||||||{ \ /}||||
||##||||| ||/||__||\#||||||||{ /\/ }||||
||##||||| ||/| |.|||||||||{/ \ }||||
|||#||||| o|#| |||||||||||{______}||||
|||#||||| |#|____|||||||||||||||||||||||
|||||||||| |#| |()||||||||||||||||||||
|||||||||| |#| || |##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#|||| |#| || |##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||#||| |#|_||_|##||||||||||||||||||||
|||||##|| /#(__)(__)#|||||||||||||||||||| .
|||||||||/###########||||||||||||||||||||
.\ 8- - \/{ \ . .
. \ \____/\{ \ . .
. \ \
. .\ \ . . .
\ \
___
| |
============= .-------------------------.
| |( .d888888 888 .d888d8b 888
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888 888.d888888888 888 888"Y8888b.888 888
888 888888 888Y88b. 888 888 X88888 888
888 888"Y888888 "Y888888 888 88888P'888 888
__ _ _ __ _ _
/ _| | | | / _(_) | |
| |_| | __ _| |_| |_ _ ___| |__
| _| |/ _` | __| _| / __| '_ \
| | | | (_| | |_| | | \__ \ | | |
|_| |_|\__,_|\__|_| |_|___/_| |_|
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d8" 88 ,d d8" "" 88
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88 88 88, ,88 88, 88 88 aa ]8I 88 88
88 88 `"8bbdP"Y8 "Y888 88 88 `"YbbdP"' 88 88
ASCII Character Codes:
f = ASCII 102
l = ASCII 108
a = ASCII 97
t = ASCII 116
f = ASCII 102
i = ASCII 105
s = ASCII 115
h = ASCII 104
Capitalised:
F = ASCII 70
L = ASCII 76
A = ASCII 65
T = ASCII 84
F = ASCII 70
I = ASCII 73
S = ASCII 83
H = ASCII 72